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An Open Letter to Parents and Students as We Go Back to School


Students, let me invite you into my classroom on the first day of school.

Every year, after the usual housecleaning of learning names, checking schedules and introducing ourselves, I shut the door and ask the students if they would like the PG, R-rated or uncensored  version of what I am about to say. They overwhelmingly choose the uncensored version, every time, but you probably knew that, didn’t you? I ask them to pull their desks close to me in the middle so I can speak conspiratorially — sort of us-against-the-world.  

I tell my students: “You are more than some test score to me. You are more than a grade on a piece of paper. Your individual success in this English class does not validate me one way or the other, it does not determine your parents’ success as parents and it sure as Hell doesn’t define you as a person.”

There will be criticism, sometimes it will hurt. There will be temporary setbacks and failures and they, too, will hurt. Don’t take them personally; they’re not. I get paid the same amount whether you pass or not, so if I’m making my life difficult (and I am, trust me) by frustrating you, pissing off your parents and making your counselors work overtime, I’m doing so because I love you enough to put the time in to evolve you as a person, rather than just feeding you meaningless praise to make everything sunshine and rainbows.

There will also be amazing moments of growth and some pretty kick-ass moments when you’ll think “Darn, I’m pretty smart!” Yes, you are, but — as with the criticism — don’t make it personal and don’t hold onto it for too long. Let the failures hurt just long enough to motivate you and let the successes heal in the same way and then get back to the business of learning,

  • learning who you are, what you want, why you want it and what you’re willing to do to get it,
  • learning that that the world is your classroom,
  • learning that talk is cheap,
  • and learning that you’re smart in a lot of ways not measured in school or on tests.

I’m all about making you smarter, stronger, more resilient and more complete as a person. So yes, you’re going to learn how to write more efficiently, you’re going to learn how to analyze stories more proficiently, but NOT to earn letter or number grades that could all mean different things depending on your teacher, your class, your school or your state, etc. You WON’T be learning just to make your parents happy (although that might be a nice side effect) and certainly WON’T be learning just to pass the “big test” du jour. You’re going to learn because you want to, because smarter people are more confident people, and confident people are more proficient people, and more proficient people tend to be nicer people. Polite, intelligent, (righteously) confident, proficient people are getting very, very hard to come by these days. So don’t worry, you’ll still be marketable to colleges and employers when we’re all finished. Now let’s get started!

…Now, parents, let’s talk. I have a time limit here so forgive me if I use that as an excuse to be blunt.

If only every teacher had the autonomy or the ability to give a speech like mine. They don’t.  Please understand that it took me 25 years of intense dedication and quantifiable results to be able to take that risk. However, even now I risk getting fired and/or reprimanded for not prioritizing the almighty grades and tests. Every young teacher in training I speak to tells me the same thing: “All we learn is how to teach to the test,” and the few administrators that still speak to me openly admit that “without the test scores, we don’t get funding,” and with no money, well, you can figure that out for yourself.

Pathetic; our kids are, more and more, being forced into a hyper-competitive world of incessant testing, one-size-fits-all teaching. To make matters worse, we’re telling our children, with frightening results, that whether they’re “smart” or not is based on an ever-narrowing curriculum (Common Core anyone?) that — say it with me — can be tested on those arbitrary tests I mentioned before (PARCC, PSSA, SAT, ACT, etc.) created by non-educators and politicians that don’t give a damn about your kid.

Please, let a 25 year veteran of teaching and parent of five kids myself help a concerned parent that loves their kid(s) put your mind at ease and heart in perspective as the school year begins: Your child’s ability to pass a standardized test, earn straight A’s in a select group of subjects, earn admission into a certain college, play a certain sport at the elite level, etc. neither validates you as a parent nor defines your child’s “success.” Their ability to turn failure into motivation, handle success with humility, express themselves articulately and respectfully and be happy in their endeavors? That may be different story.

Please understand, I am firmly rooted in the real world so, I’m not saying that high school and a subsequent college diploma isn’t important, or that the education you get won’t help you in the interview process for a job; they are and it will. However, being self-aware enough to know what you really want to do, having a realistic PLAN to get there and having the resiliency and work ethic to stick to that plan is infinitely more important. Oh, and remember what I said earlier about the kids always wanting the “uncensored” version? Kids can handle the hard truth. They want the truth so, don’t be afraid to be honest, even if it hurts.

And don’t freak out if straight A’s and perfect SATs aren’t your reality, they are but a few measures of intelligence and, as a man much wiser than I once said, “Not everything that is important can be measured, and not everything that can be measured is important.”

Be well, and I’ll talk to you again soon.        

-Step

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