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Spirit Astrology: Your Dose of Hyperlocal Spiritual Advice

Aries: Last week, CNN reported that a group of construction workers surprisingly found bones and coffins six feet beneath their site. These coffins are said to be from the First Baptist Church burial ground, which was established in 1707. The story continued with something about how the coffins should have been moved across the city in 1860, but this never happened. When I was living in Tucson, AZ, some pretty strange things happened because the neighborhood I resided in, Dunbar Spring, was built on a burial ground, i.e. construction in certain places came to a halt for a very long time due to bones resurfacing. Not to mention bones would float among the muddy waters during the monsoon season here and there. Sometimes we bury things to stay as such. Sometimes, something comes along and digs up these things. And sometimes, when these things are dug up, they come with new meaning. Let this be a lesson for you in the coming weeks as you or someone you know is about to dig up some parts of your past you thought you’d keep buried forever. Let whatever this is have a cool, new meaning.

Taurus: Last week, I took an Uber pool with a girl called Smurf. She wore a full mouse suit covered in pink paint. She smelled like candy, and she played video games on her phone. As the driver was dropping her at the Save-A-Lot on Lehigh, I turned to look at her more. She was really pretty, and as she stepped out of the car, she said good-bye to the Uber driver and me. Something about her good energy resonated with my otherwise flu-recovering attitude for the rest of the day. You never have to look too far for good energy, it turns out. It comes to you when you least expect it. Taurus, if you are feeling like you are in some mind-altered, out-of-your-control sour attitude, take a look over your shoulder and see what awaits you to lighten your load.

Gemini: My first trip to Flotation Philly was about two years ago. I went to relive some severe anxiety and get into some ultimate sensory deprivation. I remember lying there, floating there, a little scared, and noticing some light coming from somewhere. I was moving my hands around, trying to find out where the light was. I began to imagine that the light was in my head. I convinced myself that I had created the light. This freaked me out a little bit more, and so I sat up. Just as I was about to open the door, I could see the spots of light much clearer, and remembered that I had painted my nails with glow-in-the-dark polish just a few days before. Mystery solved. I laid back down and floated the rest of the time. Gemini, please remember that whether your mind creates it or your body makes it, there’s really nothing to fear. Just let yourself be free with yourself, and you’ll be just fine.

Cancer: On Sunday night I went to Kung Fu Necktie (still the worst venue name in existence, but a great venue, no less). I saw a band I really love called Green Meteor. They killed it, of course, in case you were wondering. It was an early show, and although I didn’t feel like a beer at all, I went ahead and ordered myself a Hamm’s. I don’t even like Hamm’s beer all too much, but I got it because I have a friend who drank Hamm’s. He also, for some odd reason which I never understood, kept a can of Hamm’s on a shelf all alone in his refrigerator. This friend recently moved across the country, and now resides in the Northwest. Maybe better for him, I didn’t realize what an effect this would have on me. Now I know- enough that I will get a Hamm’s beer, just because I miss him. Cancer, maybe it’s time for you to pay homage to someone or something you’ve been missing. Perhaps it’s time to allow yourself the space to fill the void you’ve created in its stead. If your outcome is anything like mine, you’re going to feel pretty damn good about it.

Leo:  I’ve got some acupuncture seeds in my ears. They’re supposed to stay for a week or so. I had an epic breakdown of flu and hormones last week, and was lucky enough to be held up and snowed in with some acupuncturists who love to spread the wealth. So, I’ve got these pretty little gold dots in my ears. I can’t tell if they’re working, but I like the way they look, so I am keeping them in until they fall off (which most of them have done by now). I tried the mind over matter rule for my illness, and it sure as hell didn’t work, so I am transferring it to these acupuncture seeds and allowing them to work, even if they aren’t. In other words, I feel great. Perhaps you’ve got something trying to help you, but you’re not sure if you believe in it. Go ahead and give it a try. It might not cure your ailments, but if you let it, it can surely ease them.

Virgo: It’s the first day of spring, and I just called to order another cord of firewood. I can’t tell you how much this excites me, as I am not looking forward to the warmer weather days. This winter has been full of productivity, staying inside, hanging with the old Sharoni in my brain, and really digging the fireside atmosphere. I do love seasons, but I think I only love seasons, because it helps me not get too jaded with my love for the cold, wintery weather. I am so happy there’s still snow on the ground, and the sounds of the wood burning stove are my muse for my artwork. Virgo, allow yourself to stay in your warm, cozy womb-like state before the spring weather comes. This rebirth ought to be pretty powerful, so I recommend being well prepared. The blossoming of this year’s crops will bring an entirely new look on life. If you’re not prepared, this could overwhelm you.

Libra: Mother nature is preparing herself for a lot of new life this spring season. Fighting against all odds, she needs to be both a shining sun and a perfect amount of rain for our plants. She wants to provide the right amount of energy in each moon cycle to help us humans balance our desires. She is at a battle with the state of our little Earth to try and save us all, and to protect us, yet sometimes she is sadly overpowered by the disgrace we humans have created. Therefore, allergies could become worse, moods could shift more, plants may not grow as intended, etc. Libra, your usual caring nature must first focus on yourself, like the mask on an airplane. You need to protect yourself before you go protecting everyone else, or you will wear yourself down.

Scorpio: Have you ever felt happy? I mean truly, sincerely happy. The kind of happy that makes you want to do everything good in your power. The Scorpio is often battling against himself/herself in ways that stunt the the pure degrees of happiness our minds can allow us. Yet, the Scorpio is also a mecca for happiness to the world around him/her. See this through your own eyes and allow this joy to be bounced back to you. The rest of us want to give it to you, but you often feel bad taking it, so you hold onto it and give it to someone else. The time is yours. Grab it, swallow it, and let it work wonders through your body. Feel the weightlessness and the freedom of a few moments in the joys of you. You deserve it.

Sagittarius: I’m getting back into reading books, without feeling bad about just sitting there thinking I should be doing something else, and realizing the rewards of reading have done nothing but benefit me my entire life. It’s a tough place in this society to feel like if you’re not moving or producing something, perhaps you’re being lazy. Eh, maybe that’s just me. Either way, take it from me, Sag, it’s way cool to take time to rest your little bod and stimulate your big mind all at once. I’ve been kicking with some Richard Brautigan re-reads, and Koren Zailckas’ “Fury,” all while finishing up my favorite book ever, “The Stench Of Honolulu” by Jack Handey. Whatever it is you might find to stimulate your mind while resting your body, go for it. It’s going to be worth it now before that spring fever sets in.

Capricorn: I’ve recently been blessed with a living space that feels very good to me. It’s full of light and life, and it inspires me. I’ve been on some crazy cool eating habits, I’ve been exercising, I’ve been more creatively productive, and I sleep well with dreams to remember. It’s not a permanent situation, I guess, but what even is permanent really? I’m just trying to suck up what I’ve got and enjoy while I have it. Although it’s not full of my entire fabulous wardrobe, and although it doesn’t allow for the most convenient walks, it’s exactly where I want to be right now. Capricorn, there’s a song I’d like to dedicate to you. It’s an old tune by Ted Lucas called “Baby Where You Are”. Catch my vibe while you take a listen. Breathe in this glorious joy I am feeling. I’m willing to share it with you if you’ll let me.

Aquarius: Last week, Philadelphia comedian Aaron Nevins contacted me to be a guest on a show at his comedy club, Good Good Comedy, located in Chinatown. The show features four comics on a panel and the guest (me, in this case). The job of the guest is projected onto a screen behind the panel for the audience to see, and the comedians then have to guess this job by asking only yes-or-no questions to the guest. Although the four comedians did not guess “Astrologer for the Spirit Newspaper” within their allotted time frame, one of them eventually did get it. And even though he had already lost, his joy in guessing anyway took him to the audience, smiling and giving high fives. I decided I should take such a notion into my own life. Aquarius, it doesn’t matter if you are getting all of your work done according to others’ time frame, just get it done and feel proud of yourself and your hard work.

Pisces: When I was living in Tucson, I drank very pure water, which I had to purchase in five-gallon refillable jugs. It was a bitch getting them out of my car, into my kitchen, and lifted up onto their little porcelain spout. However, knowing I had pure, clean drinking water was worth the struggle. Here in Philadelphia, I drink all of my water from the tap. Unfiltered tap water, at least four cups a day. I don’t feel as good about it, and I often wonder how safe my drinking water is. Perhaps I’m doing damage to myself? Pisces, if you’re feeling like there’s something in your life you know you can do to make yourself feel better, why limit yourself to your current ways? You’re of the part of our zodiac that doesn’t cope well with change, but what if it promises a better future? Find something that you’ve been wanting to make a change to and go for it full force. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

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