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Spirit Astrology: Your Weekly Dose of Hyperlocal Spiritual Advice (June 7, 2017)

Aries: Jane Eloise Stationary was a character in a book I never finished writing. When she was a child, she fell into a well, and her brother saved her from it. The rest of her created-by-me life was spent living a fantasy. The story was no longer about Jane, but about me. The people Jane was based on are me, as I’ve said, and my best friend Amanda Staples. The Amanda part of Jane has been out of that well since the true part of that story happened, and the Sharon part of Jane was recently rescued by real-life Amanda. She told me I’d been in that well, even though I didn’t know I was. She said, “Sharon, you are in denial.” Boy, was she right. Aries, you’re not the type to get caught in a well, but sometimes you do. And you will try to get out, and sometimes someone will be there to help you. Hold that person so damn tight, and never, ever let them go.

Taurus: Taurus, have you ever felt hunger? Have you ever felt it so much that the sounds in your stomach were begging for food? Have you ever then found food and ate too much that you were so satiated that you felt sick? Have you learned your lesson that you can only handle so much to feel just right? I’m sure you have. I’m also certain that, even though you don’t want to feel sick, sometimes you eat too much anyway. Every time, the lesson is relearned. Or maybe not. Personally, I am past the point of hunger. I don’t even remember the last time I’ve eaten. In your case, however, I suggest the next time you feel hunger for anything — food, affection, finding a new swimming hole — whatever it is, I suggest you hold off a little. Lay down, take a deep breath, and prepare yourself for what you’re going to welcome into your life, and choose wisely and in a healthy manner.

Gemini: I am currently sitting seven floors up in that strange condo building on the river that is supposed to mimic a cruise ship. I spent the night here last night, house-sitting for a friend who is out of town. Although it’s a lovely view up here, and I am watching the ships go by we well as the PATCO zooming across the Ben Franklin Bridge, I am having trouble enjoying it fully, because I am having a hard time realizing why I am here. Am I here because after nearly two years of putting in my absolute best work as a girlfriend, I was living a lie the whole time? Am I here because after realizing that my now recent ex may have been cheating on me the whole time, forcing me to recently leave our house, I had nowhere to go but here? Or am I here because apparently I’ve put in enough effort to make great friends who will help me when I am in need? I’m going to have to go with the latter. Gemini, wherever you are right now, remember the better path that got you there. Now imagine me leaning past my computer screen to admire the sights.

Cancer: When I see old pictures of my mother from her fashionable heyday, I can barely believe that little hippy is sitting next to me wearing things like Charlie Brown Christmas sweatshirts or capri pants. My dad, although not in his platforms anymore, will at least rock a Zappa shirt he still owns to a show. I wonder if I will ever lose my sense of fashion. I think it’s too important to me to ever let go. I envy older women with impeccable fashion sense. I admire these women not backing down. It’s hard to know what’s what if you don’t have your own style. Do not wear yoga pants unless you’re practicing yoga, but also do not wear your Hawaiian shirt in Hawaii. Whatever style you’ve got, Cancer, I suggest rocking it big time right now. You deserve to feel the freedom you’ve chosen, and learn to wear it well.

Leo: On a recent takeout date from Capital Beer on Aramingo Avenue, I got shrimp with broccoli and a pretty awesome fortune. The fortune was, “Beware the fury of a patient man.” I think about that fortune a lot, because I am currently, or just passed, seeing such a fury from a patient man. I also think about it, because maybe it applies to myself. I am usually a pretty collected person, but when things get jumbled, I have the ability to act out in a way that I think might be furious. For example, I was recently living my life as best I could. I was in love, I had a house that I was able to feel like myself in, I spent every day with Simone the dog — I was feeling pretty happy. Suddenly, that was all taken away from me. I was in shock, and it hurt a lot. So, my reaction to my immediate state of homelessness and losing not just who I thought was going to be my partner forever, but also (wo)man’s best friend was one of fury. Is that okay behavior, all things considered? Well, absolutely! Leo, if you’re feeling like you might explode, I really recommend going for it. Scream into a pillow, throw a plate at a wall, but whatever you do: do not go into a hospital. The food itself will cause another outburst.

Virgo: I’ve gone to West Philly twice in the past week, and by the time you read this, I’ll be dog-sitting out there, as to have a safe place to stay for now. It’s a great little apartment on the third floor, and there are trees and birds chirping, and I’m almost scared I’m going to fall in love with West Philly again. I broke up with West Philly in 2010 when my little family split up. When I’m there now, I always immediately want to leave. This time I’m grateful that Philly’s most fashionable band, Needle Points, has gone on tour and left me with their dogs. You see, sometimes there’s no hurt in falling in love with something again, no matter how hard it was to get over it before. Give it a try in the coming days, and see what you can prove to yourself.

Libra: I remember when I was very young, and I was racing with my brother. As I was beginning to win, my brother pushed me out of the way. I fell, smashing my head, bleeding like wild, and watched my brother win the race. I think I remember this because it appears my whole life is just like that race. It’s as if I’m winning, and then I’m falling and smashing my head, and I’m watching someone else win instead. I really don’t know how to change this. Libra, whenever you feel you’re not winning the race, think about what you do. Do you just let someone else win? Or do you keep trying, knowing you’ll get hurt? Be safe in learning how to decide.

Scorpio: My old friend Scott was obsessed with the number 22. His art was made in 22 increments. I either do not remember, or just never knew, why the number 22 was so relevant to him. I think it can be good to obsess over things. I think it can be healthy and it can create very beautiful things. It can bring so many ideas and new creations. Sometimes if you’re obsessed with pizza, you try many different pizzas or maybe you’re just obsessed with your one pizza spot. Whatever it is, make sure you’re sticking to the health obsessions and carry on as you were.

Ophiuchus: Because Spirit News allows so much freedom with what we write here, I would like to introduce you to my mix, Ophiuchus! Granted, this will now put the other signs in some confusion, but I say to heck with it. They can deal. My life was recently flipped, turned upside down when a dark little monster appeared in my former house one day. He was so mean, you see, I was forced to leave the house. I now live, as the crusties say, “home free.” Every day is a challenge to find out where I will be sleeping or where I will be eating, or where I may use the bathroom. It’s not an easy way to live, but it’s my way to make sure the (although adorable) little monster will not scare or hurt me anymore. If you’ve got a challenge with something that scares you so much, and if it forces you into other fears, you just need to know that the monster doesn’t control you. He sucks you dry from the things you want, and so you will be safer sleeping in your car than sleeping with him. Good luck to you, new sign. You’ve got this.

Sagittarius: My friend Snacks and I hung out the other day. She and I seem to go through similar things at similar times. This day was no exception. The difference between us is that I woke up the next day still feeling pretty sad, and Snacks woke up to a sold piece of art and a solo show coming up in London. I’m really proud of her, and it’s been an inspiration to me. Sag, if you’re feeling like you’d maybe not prefer another day worth living, look to your favorite people and follow their lead. Here’s to us all figuring it out!

Capricorn: I met my Capricorn and Fishtown extraordinaire friend, Anna, when I was in a dark place in my life. She’s one of the only people I trusted to know that there was light. She was right. I saw the light. And then that light seemed so bright for a while, I think it may have blinded me. Then that very light went out and it was dark again. Anna called me out of the blue one afternoon, and she really helped me to reach out and flip the switch to turn that light on again. I let her know it seemed dim, but she assured me the light would get just to the brightness I want it, but that I would have to trust that I could fiddle with it until I got it there. I believe her, and I do so, because I trust I can do this on my own. Right now, it’s okay that it’s dim. I will fiddle as I see fit. Capricorn, if you’re struggling with the lightness of being, fiddle with it and get it right. It may take strength, but you can do it.

Aquarius: Back when I used to make money, I’d do things like have brunch at Parc with my girlfriends. I don’t necessarily miss that as much as I miss a full tank of gas in my car or taking my workout shoes to my cobbler. Now, I don’t have the luxury of any of this, or the luxury of a home or a bed to sleep in that I can call my own. We Aquarians always love the new changes that are ahead of us, but I seem to be at my rope’s end. If only rope was like a chameleon tail and could grow just a little more when I need it to. You’re going to need to extend things sometimes, and just wishing won’t make it happen, you’re going to have to do something about it.

Pisces: I listen to the Beach Boys quite regularly. Those harmonies and sweet lyrics just never get old at all. I learned quite recently that if I were to choose the way my life would end, I’m sure to put a Beach Boys record on and feel alive right before I die. It’s very telling that they’re clearly my favorite band. Find something for yourself that you feel you know you love and imagine the moments of life that become the most precious, and let whatever that cherished thing is in. Let tears roll down, let your heart beat a little longer.

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