Aries: With the buzz and hum of anxious memories recently clogging little parts of your otherwise draining days, it’s time for you to physically or metaphorically lay yourself down right in the center of an open field. Penn Treaty Park on a lovely autumn day could do the trick. The buzz and hum you’ll experience there will be peaceful and inspiring. You’re ready for the next phase of life, you just didn’t know it yet.

Taurus: On November 22nd, an old friend of mine will be performing at Johnny Brenda’s. His act is called Nobunny. In 2007, I let him live in my bedroom, where he took it upon himself to borrow my clothes and accessories. His favorite thing of mine was a pair of sunglasses that I had hand painted baby blue, and wore when I got my first brain injury. I wouldn’t give them to him, because I was (for some reason) holding onto this terrible experience. In 2009, I was living in Philly again, and he came here to perform at the former M Room. That night, I gave him the sunglasses, and said I was ready to let go. Two days later, he lost them on tour. Let this be a lesson for you, Taurus; it’s okay to let go of the past. Your friends will even show you how easy it is.

Gemini: If I were a Gemini, I think I would like it, if not just to get to say the word: “Gemini”. It’s little things, simple things like this that can make a person happy. The way a word rolls off the tongue, the fact that sodastream exists, how you can cut a plant in the right spot, sit it in water and grow a new plant. Life’s little treasures have been hidden for you lately. I suggest downloading Pokemon on your phone and in your pursuit of finding him and his friends, look beyond them. Look out your window, look into the sky, make eye contact with a stranger.

Cancer: Being a Cancer, I wonder how often you feel cursed with getting cancer in your life? Maybe that’s my hypochondria talking. Anyway, just because you’re a summer baby doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy this chilly, crisp air. You can’t control the weather or an inevitable terminal illness. You’ve got to just remember: Que sera sera…  whatever will be, will be. Or as Mel Brooks once said, “As long as the world is turning and spinning, we’re going to be dizzy.”

Leo: This past Valentine’s Day, my recent ex took me to Kensington Quarters. A month later, he disappeared for a few days, leaving me full of anxiety and fear. I later found out that he had taken not one, but two of his exes away together to a cabin in upstate New York during this time. The rest of our relationship, and maybe before, was a series of him hiding things and lying to me. Whenever I pass Kensington Quarters now, I think of it being the last place we spent together before he began butchering our relationship. But then I remember that he took me, a vegetarian of over 25 years, to a butcher shop restaurant on a date. Leo, take it from me, there are ugly truths to be discovered. I recommend you take your blinders off sooner than later.

Virgo: “One pill makes you taller and one pill makes you small. And the ones that mother gives you don’t do anything at all.” Sung by Grace Slick, my most frequently compared doppleganger. The truth is, just because I look like a young Grace Slick, doesn’t mean you have to confuse our words. No pill has ever made me change in height, and my mother would supply me with pills that did do anything at all. Virgo, just because someone is more famous, doesn’t mean their words are more important than the less famous people in this world. Sometimes, it’s the lesser people who know best and want the best for you. I suggest listening to them.

Libra: If you are single, I suggest giving your thumbs a break from swiping and getting out into the world to meet people. As a recent single person myself, I have been frequenting more art events, music events and bars. If you’re like me, I recommend Fishtown Tavern for eye candy of both sexes. Instead of relying on pictures of yourself, and your favorite facts about yourself, maybe let someone see you in motion. Let them catch onto their favorite things about you. If you are with someone, maybe take this same advice into your relationship and discover something new to love about your partner.

Scorpio: I’ve always envied the Scorpio’s I know. I always see constant production, and a lack of idle hands. It seems taking a break or resting for a Scorpio is just doing something else productive that they’ve been putting off. It’s a magical thing. I imagine this can stress people out around you who maybe want more of your attention. Can you feel someone seeking your attention, Scorpio? There’s likely a compromise here. Find a mutual ground and let this person join you there. It will be effective for everyone.

Sagittarius: My friend Dimitri wrote a song for his band, Golden Boots, in which he sings, “Days are nights and nights are long.” Perhaps the recent stresses in your life are making you feel this way? Get over it, Sagittarius. We’re only shortly into daylight savings. So, the days literally will be nights, and the nights will literally be long for a few months now. You’re going to have to find the sun shining in your own little body. Remember, there’s an inner sun shining in our Hollow Earth and the real Paul McCartney is basking in it.

Capricorn: Sometimes we slip back into our old ways. Sometimes we find guilt in this and sometimes we find happiness. Memories can be so strong, they cause pain, regret, or even fear. Just remember you can always slip into something more comfortable. Capricorn, I suggest you take this quote from Groucho Marx as a metaphor into your coming weeks, “Outside of a dog, a book’s a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”

Aquarius: Maybe you’ve recently heard about this deep fried burger at Korzo, in Brooklyn. Maybe you’ve thought to yourself, “Man, I’ve got to try this thing.” You’re always searching too far, Aquarius; thinking too big. You could just get one of Philly’s best burgers at Johnny Brenda’s and feel satisfied and also healthier. Sometimes thinking practical and more realistic is the better choice.

Pisces: There’s a hole in the wall where the naked ladies dance, but there’s also holes in the wall just as delightful everywhere you look, if you choose to look at all. I recently went to Falafel Hummus on Girard for my first time. It’s a great little hole in the wall! This election season is over, and it’s time to make some changes. Find your own little holes in the walls and start trying new things, Pisces. And remember, you can’t fail unless you try. •